Five Steps To Losing A Guy.

I recently watched the 2003 Paramount Pictures movie ‘how to lose a guy in 10 days’ and was reminded of this article I drafted a few months ago but haven’t had time to share it here. Well, today I managed to steal sometime off work and put it down. Its February I just had to do something on love. I’ll be sharing my five steps to losing a guy. I know its not something men would want to hear but if you are a male reader just imagine how helpful this would be to a female friend or relative.

If you are anything beyond 25yrs then you will agree with me that there are times you’ve entered into a relationship with a person who truly isn’t your type and you knew it from the start but thought maybe you’d fall in love with them along the way then… it just didn’t happen and you suffered trying to politely break up. It’s hard to break up with someone who hasn’t wronged you, someone who has always been good, real and a great friend.

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In ‘how to lose a man in 10 days’ Andie Anderson finally falls in love with the guy she was suppose to lose. Awww…sweet but disappointing because the objective was to lose the man not fall for him. But that was a movie; now allow me present you reality. Five  steps that actually work because yours truly has tried them and they work like magic. You need not to stick to a person you’re not in love with. It’s not worth it.

1. Act dumb – Pretend you do not understand the simplest most common expressions. For instance when he types “lol” ask “what’s lol?”. This will make him think you are plain stupid and might not immediately fall out of love with you but will keep it at the back of his mind just where we want it. Remember to also make weird grammatical errors ;spell taught as ‘tout’ for instance. A smart man who takes pride in an intelligent woman will slowly start making plans on how to stop seeing you.
2. Do not pick his calls– Dance to your ring tone when he calls. Text him a few days later and ‘apologize’ mentioning that you were in a meeting or in the shower or any other believable lie you can think of. Make the apology as short as possible. Too much literature will sell you out as so into the relationship.
3. Be online but do not chat with him– He will obviously get the impression that you are chatting with other people (read  other men). Nothing puts off a man better than knowing he isn’t priority. Don’t mind whatsapp’s blue ticks you can always explain that you left your page open while you took a nap.(polite huh?!..lol)
4. Do not let him pay–  Be it in a restaurant or paying for a cub don’t let him pay.If he has to, then split the cheque. This is meant to intimidate him. Women who can take care of their business are an intimidation to most normal men, so unless you are dating the abnormal ones; the lazy broke half schooled ones, just pay.
5. Suggest going home as soon as 1 month- This should really do the trick if the other four don’t work. For most African men meeting a girl’s parents is a big deal and you mentioning it should make them shrink like a pierced  balloon. He will keep wondering why things are moving so fast. He will consult friends about it and the obvious advice will be “that’s fishy… you should lose her”. kaboom! Just what we want.

Its polite to let him call off the relationship by the way and it feels great too because you do not feel guilty for breaking his heart. He did it himself so you are as innocent as can be. So now after showcasing the five steps Hollywood style, all you need to do is lean back and watch the break up unfold. It might be over the phone; something like ” hey ….there is something I’ve been thinking about for a while..” or it might be over dinner. I like the former though, because you do not have to hide your smile and pretend you are disappointed, you just have to do a fake disappointed voice and then you can LOL when he finally hangs up.

Break up’s are painful people say. but there are some break up’s that are a breath of fresh air. These are the healthiest. You can choose to remain friends… Or not.